Sunday, November 8, 2015

It has been awhile since I last posted.  A time of reflection and learning.  At my last doctor's visit, my ultra sound showed 2 masses in my liver, one at 5.4cm and one at 6.6cm.  Now it is a waiting game, wait for my insurance to okay seeing a cancer doctor, have a MRI, have a biopsy,have a nervous breakdown!  Just joking on the last one.

I have hand written some new posts, I just need to get them typed into this blog.  I never knew what tired was before, I am so very tired, staying awake has become a chore, remembering things-a thing of the past, trying so hard to not let depression or the physical rule me, telling myself,  "Self, You make the mind set for your body.  Make a choice 100 times a day, I will laugh, I will smile, I will reach out."

When my hair falls out, I had a thought that I will wake up and it will be laying next to me, laughing at my hairless head.  And where did that thought come from?   Food smells make me sick but I am still fat with water build up's.  Instead of 2 human legs now I have 2 elephant legs, which ARE NOT attractive!  I look 6 months pregnant and if anyone asks me when the baby is due, what clever comeback do I give them?

Winter is here in Reno and I am freezing.  So I pile on the clothes and went and bought a heating pad.  Its nice to turn on before I get into bed, the sheets are all toasty and warm and that helps get rid of the chill on my bones.

Yoga and Prayer are saving me.  Yoga gives my body stretches that keep it flexible and the meditation helps keep the pain medication down.  Prayer builds my spirits, it helps to KNOW where I will go when I leave this body.  I hope my cats are there waiting for me.  I KNOW that the Lord is.

I will try and get those notes typed up asap and put them on here.  Its about foods that help and other positive things to do to make the day to day living better.  I thank you all for reading and joining me in my journey, the walk gets harder but together we can do it and share the joy of just being.