I complain about being "stuck", can't get around, can't do this, can't do that, and here life presents a bonus of action, if I was working, I would miss out on viewing the parade right in front of my home. There would not be time to take in the sun throwing off its covers and blazing the sky with vivid pinks and purples, rising higher and warming the earth. Then again, at night, watching the sky and sun interacting, outlining the clouds, sending streaks of light among the clouds, until finally darkness covers the sun and gives way to the twinkling stars, filling the sky with pinpoints of light.
I have time to play with my cat, throwing "mouses" which she chases, then brings it back for me to throw again, brushing her warm, soft hair, "talking" to her in her language, having her warmth against me, calming my spirit.
My son and I can sit and talk for hours, about everything and anything. We chat about family, about my living will, death benefits, what to do, how to do it. I tell him how very proud I am of him, what a fine man he has become. We pray together and study Gods Word, we have always been close, now even more so.
When I stop and look at all the blessings I have in my life, I find that there is no time to feel sorry for myself, I am to busy.
Some days, the pain and all the physical losses began to pull me down into my dark box, and I start to give up. Then one of the magic moments happens and I come back to the living, being joyful for all I have in life, not what I don't have.
Having a terminal, chronic illness is hard, you have to surround yourself with positive people, thoughts. I am in the stage of a lot of brain fog, forgetting things, so in order to keep it together, I write a lot of sticky notes, have a journal, do whatever I need to do so that I can hold it together and on clear days, I set up more things to help me. I am blessed with a family that is on my side, they help me and keep things together, they have taken over most of the cooking, laundry and housework, that helps me so much.
Another thing, never isolate. If you can't get out of your home, then jump on line, join a support group and make new friends. My on line "family & friends" are awesome.
Next time, I will post some sites to join and then start going into what this illness has given me. It is so important to understand the basics of your illness and what you can do to help yourself feel better. Always remember: This is your body, you are in control and responsible for your well being, learn all you can do and keep being positive.
I am here for you.